For much of my life, I’ve felt threatened by other women. It wasn’t a conscious decision or something I wanted to feel; it was just there. Whenever I met another woman who was successful, beautiful, or confident, I would immediately feel insecure, inferior, and even jealous. Instead of celebrating her success or learning from her, I felt myself pulled into a spiral of negative thoughts about myself. This feeling of competition or jealousy created distance between me and other women, making it hard to form real, meaningful connections. I knew this wasn’t the person I wanted to be, but it was a struggle I couldn’t seem to break free from.

Looking back, I realize that my feelings of insecurity and jealousy were deeply rooted in past experiences, which led me to view other women as threats rather than potential allies. After much reflection, I realized that the key to breaking free from this cycle of comparison and competition was shifting my mindset and taking specific, intentional actions. Below, I’ve outlined the steps I took to move beyond feeling threatened and instead began to embrace a place of self-love, empowerment, and connection.

1. Recognizing the Root Cause

To move past the feelings of jealousy and insecurity, it was important for me to understand where they came from. After reflecting on my past, I realized that these feelings were rooted in experiences from my early childhood that I didn’t consciously remember. I recently discovered that my birth mother was physically abusive when I was very young, until she was forced to leave when I was two. Though I don’t remember these events, the lasting emotional impact was undeniable. On top of that, my experiences with my former stepmom also played a significant role in shaping these feelings. Growing up, she exhibited favoritism toward her daughter and used manipulation and bullying, which led me to feel emotionally unsafe and unworthy.

It took time for me to understand that the emotional scars from these experiences played a huge role in my struggles with jealousy and insecurity toward other women. These early experiences with emotional unavailability and favoritism helped shape the way I viewed myself in relation to others—especially women. I often found myself feeling threatened by their success or beauty, because I hadn’t yet developed a strong sense of self-worth.

Understanding the root causes of these feelings gave me clarity and allowed me to begin addressing them with compassion rather than self-judgment.

2. Cultivate Self-Love: Turn Negative Self-Talk into Self-Worth

One of the most important shifts I made on this journey was learning how to practice self-love. Negative self-talk was a constant companion for years, and it would amplify my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, especially when comparing myself to other women. When I would hear those thoughts of judgment or comparison, I started to recognize them for what they were—untrue, unkind, and unhelpful.

The thing that made this idea truly click for me came from reading Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. I had been told a lot about positive self-talk in therapy and online, but it never really resonated for me until I read her book. Neff’s approach to self-compassion, which emphasizes treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend, gave me a new perspective on how to respond to those negative thoughts. Rather than trying to force myself into a mindset of constant positive affirmation, I learned to be gentle with myself—acknowledging my flaws and struggles without judgment.

Instead of letting these negative thoughts dominate my mindset, I began to challenge them. I would tell myself: “You are worthy. You have unique qualities that make you special.” Over time, I was able to reframe the negative narratives and embrace my true value. This was a pivotal shift that helped me build my confidence, and it’s a practice I continue to incorporate into my life today. You can begin to cultivate self-love too by gently correcting those inner voices that try to undermine your worth.

3. Embrace the Concept of Connection: Understanding Our Shared Journey

One of the most profound shifts in my perspective has been embracing the concept of interconnectedness. When I began to realize that we are all part of the same community, I started to let go of the feeling that other women were threats to me. Instead, I began to see them as fellow travelers on their own unique paths, each facing their own challenges and learning experiences.

At first, this might seem like a simple idea, but understanding it on a deeper level has been life-changing. I began to view every woman I met—not as someone to compete with or compare myself to, but as someone with her own story, strengths, and vulnerabilities. This shift in perspective allowed me to see others with more empathy and understanding, rather than jealousy or insecurity.

For me, this concept of interconnectedness goes beyond just an idea; it’s something I’ve come to believe deeply. I realized that we are all part of something larger than ourselves, and that has provided me with an immense sense of peace. Understanding that there’s a shared connection between all of us has allowed me to feel more grounded and safe, as though there is something greater than me that binds us together.

This insight helped me to let go of feelings of isolation and fear, and instead, I started to embrace the idea that we’re all walking our individual journeys while still being connected through our shared human experience. It also allowed me to recognize that my own struggles, mistakes, and growth were not unique to me. Others, too, have experienced similar challenges, which made me feel less alone and more at ease with who I am.

By embracing this concept, I’ve cultivated a deeper sense of safety in my relationships with others, especially women. I no longer feel the need to constantly compare myself or view others through a lens of competition. Instead, I’ve learned to approach every interaction with a mindset of mutual respect, curiosity, and openness. This has not only freed me from insecurity but has also opened doors to more genuine and supportive connections with other women.

4. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Embrace Your Own Path

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this journey, it’s that comparison is a thief of peace. For much of my life, I was caught in the trap of comparing myself to other women—whether it was about how I looked, how successful I was, or how “put together” I appeared to be. It often felt like a game I could never win, because no matter how hard I tried, someone else always seemed to have it more figured out than I did.

But what I eventually realized is that comparison does nothing but undermine your own confidence and peace. When you compare yourself to others, you either end up feeling superior (which still doesn’t feel good) or inferior (which can be incredibly painful). And in both scenarios, you’re not seeing people as equals, you’re putting them on a pedestal or knocking yourself down—either way, it’s a lose-lose situation.

So, how did I move away from this harmful habit? The first step was recognizing that I don’t need to compete with anyone else but myself. The only person I should be comparing myself to is the woman I was yesterday—and even that comparison should be with kindness and understanding.

When I stopped comparing myself to others, I began to truly appreciate my own path. I stopped looking at the accomplishments of others and thinking I needed to mirror their journey to be “enough.” Instead, I focused on what felt right for me. I started to embrace the idea that everyone is on their own unique journey, with their own timeline, struggles, and victories. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s okay. There is no universal blueprint for life or success.

One thing that really helped me when I found myself falling back into the trap of comparison was reminding myself of this simple mantra: I am enough as I am. Every time those feelings of insecurity or jealousy crept in, I would pause, breathe, and repeat that mantra. It sounds simple, but it has been incredibly effective in shifting my mindset.

Additionally, I began to focus on what I truly wanted in life—what made me happy, what I valued most, and how I wanted to show up in the world. When I started putting energy into creating the life I wanted, comparison started to lose its hold on me. I was no longer looking outwardly for validation; I was looking inward, finding it within myself. And that was incredibly freeing.

5. Identify Your Values

One of the most pivotal shifts in overcoming jealousy and insecurity was learning to identify my core values. Before I did this, I often felt like I was competing with others, questioning my worth, and losing myself in the process. But once I clarified what truly mattered to me, everything changed.

Identifying my values helped me realize that my worth wasn’t determined by others’ actions or accomplishments. Instead, it came from how I chose to show up in alignment with my principles. This shift from comparison to genuine self-awareness allowed me to stop seeing others as threats and focus on my own growth.

A key influence in this process was The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Covey emphasizes that effective people live in alignment with their values, and this concept helped me break free from the habit of comparing myself to others. I began to see that my path was uniquely mine, and I didn’t need to measure up to anyone else.

Clarifying my values made it easier to make decisions that felt true to who I was. I stopped people-pleasing and stopped trying to fit into molds that weren’t aligned with my core beliefs. It gave me confidence, because I was no longer looking outside myself for validation. I could now celebrate my journey, knowing it was about what mattered to me—not what anyone else was doing.

When you clarify your values, you’ll naturally feel more grounded and less affected by comparison. You’ll make choices from a place of self-awareness and confidence, and, ultimately, gain the clarity to live a life that’s aligned with your own beliefs.

Take some time to reflect: What are the core values that guide your life? Defining them will help you feel empowered and stop seeing others as competition. Instead, you’ll focus on living in alignment with the person you truly want to be.

6. Letting Other People Be Themselves

One of the most transformative concepts I encountered during my personal growth journey came from Let Them by Mel Robbins. At its core, the book advocates for the life-changing practice of allowing others to be themselves, without imposing expectations or judgments. This idea became a turning point for me. For most of my life, I struggled with the urge to control how others perceived me and how they responded to me. I wanted everything to unfold within the safety of my comfort zone, but this attempt at control ultimately hindered my ability to form genuine connections and find peace.

The root of this challenge was my fear of vulnerability and the risk of getting hurt. Growing up with disorganized attachment, I developed coping mechanisms designed to protect me, but they instead kept me from experiencing meaningful, authentic relationships. One of these mechanisms was seeking constant reassurance, particularly in romantic relationships. When I didn’t feel validated, I would either seek comfort excessively or pull away emotionally. I thought that controlling the dynamic—by staying close to gain reassurance or distancing myself when things felt uncertain—would protect me from emotional pain. In reality, it only pushed people away and left me feeling isolated.

This fear-driven pattern of seeking validation and creating distance continued to harm both romantic and non-romantic relationships. Whenever I felt triggered, even when there wasn’t a real issue, I would pull back instead of addressing my feelings directly. This cycle of avoidance and miscommunication kept me from forming authentic connections. The root problem was that I was too focused on controlling how others perceived me, rather than letting them be who they truly were.

It wasn’t until I embraced the idea from Let Them—that I didn’t need to control every interaction—that I understood the power of vulnerability. I didn’t need to manipulate how people saw me or control their responses. Instead, I learned that I could embrace vulnerability and allow people to be themselves, without forcing them to fit into my own mold of expectations.

This shift—from trying to control others to simply letting them be—was liberating. I stopped feeling the need to withdraw or seek constant validation. Instead, I focused on honest communication, which strengthened my relationships. I realized that when I let go of my need to control others, I allowed them to show up as their true selves, and I could do the same. This approach has helped me form more honest, fulfilling relationships, grounded in mutual trust and respect.

Additionally, this shift allowed me to embrace differences, both in my marriage and friendships. Rather than viewing other women as competition or feeling threatened, I began to see their unique qualities as valuable. By allowing others to be who they are, without imposing my own insecurities or expectations, I have been able to cultivate deeper, more meaningful relationships.

7. Courage to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

One of the most powerful ways I overcame the insecurity and jealousy I felt toward other women was by embracing new, uncomfortable experiences. Stepping outside of my comfort zone wasn’t just a matter of challenging myself—it was about actively choosing to confront my fears and uncertainties.

At first, this wasn’t easy. The idea of trying something new, especially something I was scared of, would often paralyze me with doubt. However, I eventually realized that growth doesn’t come from staying inside the familiar, safe bubble. It comes when we challenge ourselves, when we do the things that intimidate us, and when we step into new territory—especially when we feel vulnerable.

For example, when I first started training in Jiu Jitsu, I was terrified. I had no idea what I was doing and felt like an outsider, especially surrounded by so many confident, skilled women. But over time, I realized that not only was I capable of doing this, but I was also empowered by the journey. It wasn’t just about learning a new skill; it was about learning how to face fear head-on and trust in my own abilities.

There were so many moments where I wanted to quit, when I felt inferior to the others who seemed so much more experienced. But in those moments, I chose to reflect. I asked myself: What would happen if I kept going? I realized that my worth wasn’t tied to being perfect or getting things right on the first try—it was about showing up for myself and continuing to grow, no matter how uncomfortable it felt.

When I started seeing courage not as the absence of fear, but as the willingness to move forward despite it, my whole perspective shifted. I also learned that stepping out of my comfort zone wasn’t about competing with others or proving myself to anyone—it was about reclaiming my own confidence, one small step at a time.

By embracing this kind of courage, I also started to see other women not as competition but as allies. They were on their own journeys, just like me. Their paths didn’t diminish my own—they enriched it. The more I pushed myself to grow, the more I realized that the feelings of jealousy and insecurity faded, because I knew that I, too, was capable of growth, change, and becoming who I wanted to be.

Taking on challenges, even the ones that terrified me, became a way to not only break through my own limitations, but to also embrace the strength that comes from vulnerability. It gave me the confidence to connect with other women in a way that was supportive and empowering, rather than based on fear or competition.

8. Embrace the Excitement of Learning New Things

Stepping out of my comfort zone didn’t just mean facing fears head-on; it also meant rediscovering the joy of learning. As children, we’re naturally curious, always seeking to explore and understand the world around us. But as we grow older, it’s easy for that sense of wonder to fade as we become caught up in responsibilities and external pressures.

For me, embracing learning again became a transformative practice. I found new ways to tap into joy and creativity by exploring skills, hobbies, and topics that excited me. Whether it was a new subject or a skill I had always wanted to master, diving into learning became an anchor that helped me grow beyond my insecurities.

Learning offers a powerful shift in perspective. When you focus on expanding your knowledge or exploring your passions, you stop comparing yourself to others. The focus moves from comparison to curiosity. You begin to realize there’s no need to compete with anyone else—your unique journey is just as worthy of attention as anyone else’s. This personal growth feeds your confidence and self-worth. As you grow, so too does your ability to view other women not as competitors, but as fellow travelers on their own paths.

Take time to explore something new that excites you. Whether it’s a creative outlet, a new book, or a challenging skill you’ve been meaning to develop, allow yourself the freedom to explore without judgment or comparison. Watch how it nurtures your curiosity and fuels your growth.

9. Practice Gratitude for Yourself and Others

Gratitude is a powerful tool when it comes to overcoming insecurity and jealousy. It’s all too easy to get stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction and comparison, especially when we’re feeling down. However, by shifting our focus to gratitude—both for ourselves and for others—we can transform our mindset in profound ways.

For me, gratitude became a way to reframe my perspective. Instead of dwelling on what I felt I lacked, I began to recognize and appreciate the small victories and growth I had already made. I realized that I didn’t need to have it all figured out, and that even my smallest steps forward were worth celebrating.

As I embraced gratitude for myself, I also started practicing it with others—particularly women whose qualities I admired. This shift was eye-opening. Rather than seeing them as a competition, I started celebrating their successes and recognizing the power in their experiences. It was liberating to see that I could appreciate someone else’s growth without feeling diminished by it.

What I learned is that gratitude isn’t just about what you have, but also about the way you see the world around you. By making it a habit to acknowledge the strength, achievements, and qualities of other women, I began to feel more connected to them and less isolated in my own journey. And here’s the key: by filling more gratitude into your life, you automatically create less space for comparison and insecurity to creep in.

Take time each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for, both in your own life and in the lives of others. It can be as simple as appreciating a kind gesture or acknowledging the strength it took to overcome a challenge. Start with small moments and work your way up to deeper reflections. And don’t forget to celebrate the women in your life—cheer them on, share in their joy, and watch how this changes your own perspective and sense of peace.

Conclusion: Embracing Empowerment and Connection

The journey of overcoming insecurity and jealousy toward other women has been transformative. It’s been about more than just challenging myself to break free from old patterns—it’s been about embracing a new way of seeing myself and others. When I stopped viewing other women as competition or threats, I discovered a world of support, connection, and mutual empowerment. I learned that embracing self-love, focusing on my own growth, and practicing gratitude didn’t just improve my sense of confidence; they opened the door to richer, more meaningful relationships with the women around me.

Each step along this journey was a reminder that my worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s success. I don’t need to measure up to anyone else because I am enough as I am. The more I let go of comparison, the more I find peace in my own path. Whether it’s cultivating a sense of self-worth, stepping outside of my comfort zone, or simply acknowledging the strengths of those around me, I’ve come to realize that life is about growth—both individual and collective.

We, as women, are stronger when we lift each other up instead of seeing each other as competition. We can all thrive together when we focus on building each other’s confidence, creating space for empathy, and celebrating the diversity of our journeys. My journey is far from over, but I now approach it with a sense of excitement, curiosity, and a deep appreciation for myself and the incredible women I get to share it with.

So, let go of the comparison. Embrace your path. Celebrate the beauty in others. And remember: you are not alone. We’re all in this together, and we’re all worthy of love, success, and connection. Let’s keep moving forward, lifting each other up, and building a future where we can all feel empowered.

Citations

1. Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow, 2011.(For the concept of self-compassion and how it played a role in shifting mindset from negative self-talk to self-love.)
2. Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Free Press, 1989.(For the influence of aligning personal values with actions and overcoming comparison.)
3. Robbins, Mel. Let Them: The Life-Changing Theory that Has Helped Millions. Kindle Edition, 2023. (For the concept of allowing others to be their authentic selves, fostering vulnerability and deeper connections in relationships.)